Roller coasters in my head part 2

I didn't really get into the roller coaster analogy on the last blog. I got sidetracked! Anyways the last two days (honestly two weeks) have been really bad as far as motivation and such. I'm not even going to mention the junk food I've ate! It's like I'm purging or something. I planned to drink a Shakeology for dinner and have some fruit and cottage cheese for a snack later. I was going to run after work and maybe swim some. Instead I sat in my car for almost 45 minutes before I left the y and went to Culvers. Yeah we know that's  a GI disaster in the making. I ate then went home to chow down on some chocolate chunk cookies I bought last night. I've ate like this for the last few days. Yet I look in the mirror and hate what I see, wonder why my system doesn't run efficiently, and feel frustrated or depressed when my scrubs are tight (or i can't fit in my other clothes). 

I will go from healthy eating and working out daily to The Blerch (google it if you don't know The Oatmeal/Blerch). I'm up then down like a roller coaster. 

I'm registered for a couple of big races coming up and I'm nervous. I know I can finish the distance, I always do. I wanted to run these and feel great about myself. I trained hard and put in the work and my time would reflect that. Instead, I'm so far behind on training that my goal is to finish. I don't care about time, but I wanted to be better than last year. 

I will admit I need to write out a schedule and follow it. I like and need structure. I run when I feel like it during the week and do a longer run on Saturday. Working out and training when I feel like it isn't working for me at all. I need to do it in the mornings because by 6 pm I'm tired, it's too hot still, I'm hungry, my back is hurting, or whatever excuse I use. 

It's really funny that I've noticed a pattern. I like/want/need structure and when I have everything balanced I feel better and everything just flows. If one thing gets out of whack it throws off my whole center of gravity and everything gets out of whack. It takes me a bit to balance again but I always find a way. If my eating gets lousy...my training suffers...my negative feelings towards myself merge more...my spending gets out of control...my sleep is disturbed... I'm cranky towards family... My stress levels go off the chart... Work becomes a battle for me...It's all a cycle and it's not easy keeping it all balanced. One thing out of whack throws the other stuff off too. I almost want to make myself a big crafty adult chart and put a sticker by each thing I accomplish that day. When I get in my funk normal chores and basic hygiene seem impossible. I need to vacuum and fold towels but I don't care, my toenail polish is gross looking and needs removed and I'm not sure how long this mascara has been on (What's left of it) ... I don't care. Nathan will probably throw me in the shower and scrub me if I don't take a shower tonight. Yea... Kinda gross I know. 

I am going to take a nice hot shower after this blog post, drink a glass of green tea, cozy up with my kitties, and write out a training schedule for the next couple of weeks. I will then pack my lunch (healthy) and get stuff packed for tomorrow. 

It's easy to get off track, but you've got to hit the reset button and get back on. Nobody can change you except you. 

I love this post on FB. I'm slow but I will get there!!