Roller coasters in my head part 2

I didn't really get into the roller coaster analogy on the last blog. I got sidetracked! Anyways the last two days (honestly two weeks) have been really bad as far as motivation and such. I'm not even going to mention the junk food I've ate! It's like I'm purging or something. I planned to drink a Shakeology for dinner and have some fruit and cottage cheese for a snack later. I was going to run after work and maybe swim some. Instead I sat in my car for almost 45 minutes before I left the y and went to Culvers. Yeah we know that's  a GI disaster in the making. I ate then went home to chow down on some chocolate chunk cookies I bought last night. I've ate like this for the last few days. Yet I look in the mirror and hate what I see, wonder why my system doesn't run efficiently, and feel frustrated or depressed when my scrubs are tight (or i can't fit in my other clothes). 

I will go from healthy eating and working out daily to The Blerch (google it if you don't know The Oatmeal/Blerch). I'm up then down like a roller coaster. 

I'm registered for a couple of big races coming up and I'm nervous. I know I can finish the distance, I always do. I wanted to run these and feel great about myself. I trained hard and put in the work and my time would reflect that. Instead, I'm so far behind on training that my goal is to finish. I don't care about time, but I wanted to be better than last year. 

I will admit I need to write out a schedule and follow it. I like and need structure. I run when I feel like it during the week and do a longer run on Saturday. Working out and training when I feel like it isn't working for me at all. I need to do it in the mornings because by 6 pm I'm tired, it's too hot still, I'm hungry, my back is hurting, or whatever excuse I use. 

It's really funny that I've noticed a pattern. I like/want/need structure and when I have everything balanced I feel better and everything just flows. If one thing gets out of whack it throws off my whole center of gravity and everything gets out of whack. It takes me a bit to balance again but I always find a way. If my eating gets lousy...my training suffers...my negative feelings towards myself merge more...my spending gets out of control...my sleep is disturbed... I'm cranky towards family... My stress levels go off the chart... Work becomes a battle for me...It's all a cycle and it's not easy keeping it all balanced. One thing out of whack throws the other stuff off too. I almost want to make myself a big crafty adult chart and put a sticker by each thing I accomplish that day. When I get in my funk normal chores and basic hygiene seem impossible. I need to vacuum and fold towels but I don't care, my toenail polish is gross looking and needs removed and I'm not sure how long this mascara has been on (What's left of it) ... I don't care. Nathan will probably throw me in the shower and scrub me if I don't take a shower tonight. Yea... Kinda gross I know. 

I am going to take a nice hot shower after this blog post, drink a glass of green tea, cozy up with my kitties, and write out a training schedule for the next couple of weeks. I will then pack my lunch (healthy) and get stuff packed for tomorrow. 

It's easy to get off track, but you've got to hit the reset button and get back on. Nobody can change you except you. 

I love this post on FB. I'm slow but I will get there!! 

I love rollercoasters... just not the ones in my head.

I need to stay off Facebook on Tuesday's. I see all these "Transformation Tuesday" posts and it makes me feel like a slob. More often than I care to admit I go through a spell, phase, cycle, or whatever you want to call it and self destruct slowly. What's crazy is I know it's happening, but it's like I'm locked into this ride and I can't get off until it comes to a complete stop. A rollercoaster best describes this ride. You go up, up, up then down FAST and after that it can back up again followed by another down, or you go upside down or a hard left or right. I saw a disturbing picture on (yep you guessed it) Facebook that really bothered me today as well. I couldn't read the article because the photo really got to me. It was a little girl that had a little more belly and was holding a pair of scissors in her hands like she was going to cut the fat off. There was pictures of the "ideal body" all around her. It's so sad and I can relate to this picture too. I remember reading YM, Teen, Seventeen, and other such crap when I was younger and always shaming myself because I didn't look like those girls. Looking back I missed out on so much because I was hiding myself. I wanted to be a cheerleader and run track/cross country and other school activities, but one thing that was said to me changed my course of action for both the running and cheering. I did join marching band and loved being in the colorguard so I still had a lot of fun, but I feel I let myself down. As crazy as it is I still want to go and run on the highschool track some more as long as nobody else is there except Nathan and maybe a select few friends. I keep saying I'm going to go and do speedwork there. Yeah, that's happened maybe a few times in the last 3 or 4 years. I also keep saying I'm going to workout in the morning so I don't have an excuse in the evenings. 

Lets jump off this ride for a bit and hit some highlights of the weekend! 

Friday was a peaceful day. It was SO MUCH nicer than the week before. I met up with my friend Tiffany to play with some of her Younique makeup. I was interested in the 3D lash mascara that's all the rave right now. It has fibers that you use to make your lashes huge and really pop. I will say I like it more than I expected and purchased a set. I will take some pictures so you all can see the difference next time I play with it. I enjoyed a nice lunch with my peep Connie followed by some shopping (I kept my wallet closed) and a walk around a park. It was great to just talk and chill. 

Saturday I didn't get out of bed until much later than planned because Nathan and I were up hooting with the owls until almost 2am. We both had a long run planned for the morning and finally drug ourselves to his brother's house where we run and ride from a lot. Someday we will build a house next door on our property so it will be nice to just wake up and run without having to drive 10-15 minutes. I didn't feel like running at all before we even started and was testy with Nathan. I even said something along the lines of "I don't know why I even bother trying to run this is so difficult for me and I always end up injuring something". I was ready for the run to be over with before I even started. We took off and as always Nathan zipped along way ahead of me. He's an amazing runner that can run 7 min/miles and look effortless. I was ready to quit after 1 mile, but I kept going on. 

I stopped and took this picture around mile 1.5 or so. The buzzards were circling me and I just felt like lead. I wanted to quit and just walk back. Forget this! A song from the Top Gun soundtrack started playing (it was the Top Gun Anthem) and it made me think of my why. Why do I continue to do this and keep trying? Why can't I just give up and stick to biking and whatever else. One reason is my Momma. She has called me her "Top Gun" for as long as I can remember and I'm a fighter. I know what quitting and giving up feels like, so I want to keep going and feel what it's like to finish what you started. That's one reason I LOVE RACING! I don't race against others (yes, I do pick one or two people to beat but that's all usually) I race against myself. It was a struggle the entire run that was mostly a walk. One thing good about the run was I wore shorts!! It was so much cooler too! I wear either pants or capris to run in ALWAYS...even in 100 degree temps. I tried out my Coeur tri shorts and they worked well for the run. I hate shorts because of chafing and rubbing, the way my legs look, and they ride up and I have booty shorts on...not cute. However, these stayed in place!! Here's Nathan after a hard 10 miles. Secretly I like to see him struggle some just so I know he's human. He did have his tongue hanging out at first. Hahaha. 

Saturday evening Nathan and I went to the Kentucky State Fair and hung out with Connie for awhile. We chowed down on some fair food including a deep fried Snickers. Yes, it was good. Connie didn't stay too late, but Nathan and I stayed to enjoy the free Joan Jett concert. It was good. I'm not a huge fan of her like Nathan, but I do know some songs and enjoyed it. 

Sunday we got up very early to drive an hour to cheer on my friends Ericka and Karen. They raced their first triathlon in E'town! I'm so happy and proud of these ladies. They've been training and working hard for months and it showed.Connie and I took about 250 photos between the two of us so they should have plenty of photos to remember their race along with some well earned race bling. I have a confession to make!! I actually bought a new tri kit (top and shorts) with the intent of racing this triathlon. I didn't make it happen, but I'm glad I didn't because I was able to help my friends out with their race and cheer like a crazy lady for everyone else too (especially since nobody else was cheering). 

 After the race Nathan and I gorged on some breakfast and headed home. I rushed to my friend Sara's Young Living Essential Oils party. I love YL oils and been using them for several months now, but this was my first class. It was interesting. Afterwards Sara gave me a "Hellga" massage to loosen up my aching and very tight legs. It hurt like hell (hence the name) but it was amazing how much it helped! My legs feel so much better! Monday was the first time I've got out of bed and walked around without feeling like my achilles was going to tear and slept without leg cramps. I spent the rest of the evening with Nathan and chilling. I ended up crashing early because I was exhausted. 

Can you say tacky?

This Today was another long day since my fur beasts woke me up again last night. 3:30am and wide awake. This is getting old and really making me a level above angry. I changed my mind on the window unit with door. I don't want maimed varmints brought in the house and Sir Purrs A Lot  (SPAT for short) loves me so much he would probably deliver a mouse to me in bed!! My coworker Sarah came up with this brilliant idea today. I've tried double sided tape on the bedroom door and it works so why didn't I think of this before?? Next step, if this doesn't work, will involve some wiring and 110 volts.

This is duct tape attached to the ledge and for extra sleep measures I added it to the window where I see paw prints. Yes, this is tacky (no pun intended) but I don't and won't care IF it works. 

I may wake up to a long haired black cat stuck to my window, but at least no pawing, banging, and scratching on the window hopefully. 

After work I drove uptown to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy new running shoes since the last ones didn't work out. I knew exactly what I needed and wanted, yet the sales associate was annoying me and testing my patience. Just go and grab the shoes I asked for now!!! Instead they asked lots of questions and I answered very specific. I told them this is my third pair of Brooks Glycerins and I'm happy with them...no they try to waste my time with other shoes and so on. Is it bad that I knew more about Brooks shoes than the associate? Not just my favorite pair but all of them! Finally I had to get a bit snarky and tell them if they don't have a 9.5 in the black Glycerins then please stop wasting my time. Ugh!! 

This alone is one of many reasons  why I always shop at local running stores. Pacers and Racers and Fleet Feet are my favorite stores. Why was I even there you ask? I had a score card reward, and several coupons that added up to $35 off my shoes. I didn't want to haggle my favorite store to save more, but now I think I'd rather went to my store and asked them to toss in a pair of socks to sweeten my deal and I would have been on cloud nine. Oh well! Lesson learned and in about six months when I need to replace my shoes I will know better. I also know better to replace those shoes when they're worn instead of trying to make them last. As many injuries and aches I have that's a bad idea.

 Now I've gotta make my right lower leg happy again. My friend Sara is going to probably do a "Helga" massage on my legs this Friday. A Helga massage is like a sports, deep tissue, trigger point, try not to cry or curse (which is nearly impossible) all in one massage. I prefer her "fluff 'n buff" massage where you can relax and breathe normal. I've got a few nasty knots for her to work out so I'm sure a few areas will not be pleasant. If you're looking for a great massage check out the Natural Touch Spa (Corydon, IN). 

How often do you get a massage and what kind? Do you go more often when you're training for something special? 

Time to gather up my stuff for Spin class tomorrow and pack my lunch. Have a great night and I wish everyone a restful night! 

Flatulent feet and missing toes

For a Monday today wasn't bad at all and I was somewhat surprised when I left work. Since I was a zombie and missed my long run Saturday morning I decided to get back to my running schedule. Ok, I don't really have a schedule other than run at least 3 times a week and one of those a long run and try to add a soft turf or trail run in if I can. Today I wanted to try out my new shoes and enjoy a few miles. 

I wore my new Balega ultra thin socks Nathan bought me at the Derby Mini Expo (yes I know that was back in April)  and I was excited to try out my new Brooks Transcend 2 shoes. 

I went to 4 local stores trying to find these shoes in this color that I wanted. I do go for comfort and fit first but the show must look good to me or I will not buy it. Simple. Sam at Pacers and Racers told me they didn't even carry this shoe because it wasn't as great as others were saying and it really didn't work for so many people that they just quit ordering. After no luck at other stores  I finally just ordered them online. I have a love them or return them guarantee thankfully! 

Todays run started out like the others, but I noticed right away my shoes just didn't fit as well as my Glycerins. With every step my feet farted!! Now it wasn't like the loud ones or the silent and deadly ones, but more like the fart you tried to hold in but it escaped out of your undies or whatever is covering your bottom. Yep! The type you spend a few moments hoping it wasn't a shart. Well, my shoes kept doing that and after about a mile or so it almost felt like I had a wet shoe on. 

The other issue I had was my right ring and pinky toes kept going numb. I couldn't feel them for most of my walk (forget running today). The colors are neat and the cushioning is amazing. That's it and certainly not $$$ worthy even though these were more supportive shoes my right ankle rolled inwards way too much and that was making my tibia ache terribly. After all the injuries I've had and recovered from I'm very attuned to my body. These are definitely a no go. The socks were ok but I'll use them for cycling and other activities. I'm going back to my tried and true Glycerins with thicker Balega socks and my super feet inserts. Why change what's working?? I should have just bought a new pair of my usual shoes because the ones I've been running in are almost six months past their expiration date and I can really feel it. 

Things didn't go as planned today, but it's okay. I will do something else and I feel better knowing that some changes aren't meant to happen right now. 

What's your go to running/walking shoe?

Happy Sunday

I usually say "happy Friday" to people I meet when I'm out and about on my day off (usually Friday's). However, this week I had a working interview/subbed for an office in New Albany. It was a whirl wind, long, overwhelming, and stressful day. By the time I got home it took almost four hours to calm down and stop the outbursts of tears and kindly let my wonderful friends know I don't want to talk right now. It was that bad. 

 Saturday I was a zombie and hung out with the Blerch all day. If you don't know who the Blerch is Google it or check out this website http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

I missed my long run and hardy did anything productive all day. Not my typical Saturday. 

Today has been a wonderful day! I still didn't get much rest (what else is new) but I was happy to wake up next to Nathan. I got up a little early and enjoyed some coffee and got my bike gear together. I met up with a new friend named Jenn this morning and we enjoyed a country bike ride. It was fabulous with some hills to challenge us. It was great to finally meet her in person and we look forward to more rides soon. I'm still trying to figure out my Garmin 810, so I didn't record our ride! Jenna computer said we got in a little over 27 miles. Darn! We should have rode a few more to settle my OCD and get an even 30. The weather was perfect and the traffic was little to none. 

After the ride I spent a little time with Nathan before he had to leave for work. I decided to go down to my parents and visit for the afternoon. It's so beautiful out there and peaceful. I never appreciated what I had when I lived there and always complained how far out we live (the boondocks or BFE). It was a wonderful visit. My Momma and Dad were there, my brother just got home today from his vacation, and my Aunt Karen was staying the weekend to visit. 

One of my tri peeps (Connie) called me and I sat on the front porch and talked to her for a solid half an hour or so. It really perked me up and just knowing how much my peeps think and care about me makes me so happy. Here is the view from the front porch. I think it looks like a picture from Pintrest! 

Here is the frog pond complete with Lilly pads galore. It is frog heaven and late at night they make so much noise! I couldn't help be show you the back yard as well. No filter was used and what you can't see in the picture is the sunflowers galore to the left. This is the perfect hangout spot! The Tiki hut was build by my Dad and they recently added the gazabo. Notice the watermelons sitting there... Not for long! 

 

After dinner I shared a cupcake with Momma. She threatened to smash it in my face and I told her she wouldn't do it because it would waste icing. Well she slowly are hers and waited for me to finish mine up. No sooner than I swallowed my last bite...smash!!! Chocolate cupcake in the face. At least she was being nice because it could've ended up my nose! This woman is crazy, but she's my crazy. My Aunt Karen just cracked up and kept her distance to be safe. 

Other awesomeness for today was the gift my Brother gave me. I love Peeps! I really wanted the "Peepmobil" but this will do. 

Thank you Jeremy!! I love it. 

I didn't get much (any) housework done but oh well. Thoroughly enjoying the day and being happy outweighs cleaning anyday. 

I hope this week goes smoothly. I will admit I have a little different attitude towards my current job. There's things that must change and be addressed, but for now one day at a time. 

Happy Sunday everyone! 

A new solution to an old problem

I'm  I have many reasons why I don't sleep much and I've always been a night owl. Even when I was a kid I could easily pull an all nighter playing Nintendo, Barbies if Katie came over to stay, or organizing something. Yes, my OCD started at a young age! Anyways, one of the major problems lately to having a restful nights worth of sleep is our cats. No, don't even say "get rid of them" because that is not and will not be an option. They're great cats except between 12-5 am because they want to go outside then come back in. 

Last night Nathan said he was 4 different times dealing with the cats. I didn't stir once because I took some tums for the acid reflux I've caused myself from stressing out lately and one Rx anxiety pill that I knew would make me sleep solid.i usually go for a long run on Saturday mornings with Nathan, but I told him last night "do not wake me up unless the house is on fire or there is someone with a weapon." I slept a solid 10.5-11 hours, but I feel blah and outta whack right now. Perhaps some fresh air and movement will help me. 

I  think I've found a new solution to help our sleep deprivation due to the cats. I found this on Amazon earlier today. Why didn't I even think to look for something like this years ago? It's a unit that you sit in your window sill and secure it. It comes with stuff to seal the edges to help insulate it better and to secure the window top so it cannot be opened from the outside. Genius!! The picture here shows a vinyl flap, but the other one I'm looking at says it has a piece that goes around the flap and you can lock the door, have it open in/out, in only, and out only. 

I briefly thought I could buy a $10-15 cat door and make my own window unit. I don't feel like investing my time or effort and I don't know what materials I would use. $123.50 is worth a good nights sleep to me and that's cheaper than one night in a nice hotel room.

Honestly I'm not concerned with someone trying to break in and as easy as this is to install I can take it out when we're outta town. What does concern me is other critters coming in! I've had a squirrel run in the window after I've enjoyed an adult beverage (OK FINE- several adult beverages) and I chased it around the house with a frying pan that I was beating on with a wooden spatula. It found its own way back outside and no harm. I haven't had any critters try to get in lately but my cats are so loving that they like to bring me gifts. Lots of gifts. I really don't want to find mauled mice, birds, voles, moles, and so on in the house. Sometimes my "gifts" are alive and well and my kitty gets upset when I return it back to its home. I'm weighing my options and will give an update if I do end up ordering this. It has great reviews online by the way. 

Other things I've tried to stop the noise is place double sided tape (bought at Petsmart) on my bedroom door and window sills. They don't like the feel of it and stop scratching the door, but it doesn't last long because they're hairy little beasts and once it loses the tackiness its game on again. I've locked them up in a pet carrier in the back room before. I hate doing that. No room to move around, bathroom, and or food or water. It's a small carrier and my cats are rather large. The squirt bottle and ignoring them doesn't work either. I have considered getting a portable electric fencing kit (like you would use for a garden) and hooking it to the outside of my bedroom window. They go out and stay out for the night. When they try to beat on my window 2-3 hours later...buzz buzz. I would use lowest setting, but that's still not very nice. Also the UPS guy and other visitors may question our sanity.  The wire would look better than a sheet of plywood secured like I considered as well. 

Do any of you have any ideas or solutions  for pets that constantly want to run in and out? 

Sleep is overrated

It's the second sleepless night in a row. Again my cats woke me up from meowing and scratching on the door. I'm pretty mad at Nathan at the moment because he should have gotten up and dealt with the furballs before I woke up past the point of return (back to sleep). I can put them out when I go to bed but at 3 am or so they're beating on the bedroom window and making even more noise to come back in. Leave them in and they make noise and want out. I seriously wish we had a cat door so they could go in and out as they please. I can deal with an opossum or other critter coming in the door with the possibility of a good nights rest. I'd like to check into a hotel tonight just so I can sleep, but I will save my money. 

After Sir Purrs A Lot carried on more and I told Nathan not to put them in a crate outside (he finally got up but way too late to help) I got the squirt bottle and chased the cat around the house. He wanted outside so I gave him several good and hard smacks to the rear and tossed him out. The house is now quiet but I felt awful. This is one of the many reasons I DO NOT WANT A BABY! I must sleep and I do not like to be disturbed. Everyone says it's different when it's a child...I still see it as sleep deprivation. Cat, dog, baby, husband...it doesn't matter. 

As I was laying in bed I felt terrible. I should have just let the cat out and been done instead of the tail whipping he got because that was a bit much for just making noise. I guess because I've had less than 5 hours of sleep over the last 2 days (not much sleep earlier this week either) and I've got to get ready for work in 40 minutes I'm stressed. So much for looking bright eyed and bushy tailed for my first day/interview. I'll have some coffee and use more makeup. 

I tried to go back to sleep but my head and chest was pounding. I tried breathing exercises to calm myself down, but that didn't help much. Instead I went outside and did hill repeats. Yes, I ran up and down my driveway I don't know how many times. It was actually nice outside . The cool weather and little humidity felt comfortable and the sky was clear and full of bright stars. I love running at night and I have no idea why I don't do it more often. I guess cause I wouldn't want to run alone in the dark. After running I did some starlight yoga as I will call it and came back in to stretch a little more. 

I was hoping to find my kitty outside but I'm sure he's in the barn next door where he usually goes when outside at night. I still feel bad for being mean to him but not for fussing at Nathan. I really don't know what to do to solve this problem. I don't want to crate my cats at night and lock them in a back room, plus I don't have room for the crates to sit around. 

It's 4:30 am and I'm going to have a bowl of Lucky Charms then get ready and leave for work. It will take me about 35 min to get there and they have a morning meeting at 7:30am. I want to be early to help ease the stress and nerves. I'm afraid I may try to doze off so I need to keep moving. Sorry for the boring blog post and please don't report me to the ASPCA or anything because Inrealky do take good care of and love my kitties! 

I feel like I should write goodnight but I guess it's good day.